you.

we were once so close
despite all the let downs and times of abandonment
when someone new came along
i stuck by you
in hopes that our friendship
means more to you with each time that passes.
i was wrong.
i believed that our friendship can hold thru anything
and that it was worth almost everything
i was wrong.
you always threw me away
whenever someone else came along.
you always took me for granted.
you almost always had your way.
and i - like a stupid fool
would be waiting stupidly at one corner
waiting for you to pick me up once again.

this time though our friendship took a turn for the worst
though it seemed that our friendship had finally come to an end.
it revived. momentarily.
we called it a truce
forgave and forgot
we talked almost normal
and talked about a return to the past
a past where our friendship stood strong.
give or take?
with renewed hopes,
i gave you everything i had once again.
i went all the way on my part
in hopes that our friendship could be rekindled.
in hopes that you'd pick me up again.

you gave me your promise.
you said you'd come back
that you'll pass on by and re-create whats lost for oh so long
i waited and waited
like a stupid naive fool i waited.
i waited for you to come.
told myself all you needed was time.
i offered to help u come get me.
i offered all i could.
i waited and waited.
but still you never came.

i always took the initiative.
i always took the first step for fear that you already had forgotten me.
for so long it has always been
'i always' and 'you never'
you hurt me.
the past month you hurt me the worst.
yet my hopes were lifted so high
at the prospect of us being good friends again.
and with this intermediarary moment of bliss
came shattering sadness.
as once again.
once again you failed to keep your side of the bargain
once again you threw me aside
once again you showed me what it takes to be a lousy friend.

i've waited and waited.
i think i've waited too long and too hard.
all those years of friendship we had.
all the trust, faith and laughs we shared.
im throwing it all away.
im throwing everything you threw away.
i recently told a few others with great sadness and realization
'i give up'
'i give up on this friendship'
'i give up on us'
'i refuse to try anymore'
i refuse to be on the blind waiting end
when i know that you will never change
that once again i'm wasting my time
waiting for a friendship that had once worked
that will never work again.

i went 99% of the way.
all you had to do was take that one step
you didnt.
i went all out.
i forgave forget.
put my pride aside
went down on my knees
you didnt.

i'm not angry.
i'm just sad.
i don't hate you
i'm just so disappointed in you.
14 yrs of friendship down the drain
just like that.
what's the point if you came back now?
no point.
you missed your golden opportunity
you've made me wait far too long
you've left me hanging on a thread
you've left our friendship for good so long ago.
funny ain't it
how i've only just realized.

i did you didn't
i always you never
i remember you forget
i hope you neglect
i cared you didnt.

has it come to this my friend?
i think so.
i really think so
this time we've come to an end - for good.
goodbye my friend for many long years.
i hope you look back because i won't
i hope you never have to feel the pain i feel
i wish you the best in life
because that's what i've always hoped for you.

okay since im done tv-ing my whole weekend away.. i shall blog abt my current dilemmas. i was just telling SER that i really dk what i want to do in life.. what career i want to take on.. etc... i dont seem to have the passion for anything.. unless u consider slacking one.. which sucks. also.. i cant even decide on whether i shd cut my hair or not.. okay a few qns's regarding this

1) shd i cut my fringe shorter? (still side parting sloping down of course)
2) should i cut my hair such that i am just able to tie or leave it long? (which do i look better with guys? help me out!)
3) shd i just shave my head bald... (this is actually not an option.. ahha)

AHHHHHHH! the mahjong outing totally screwed up my body clock and its 4.30am and i still aint sleepy. been waking up at 7pm the past few days and sleeping at 7am.. how terrible is that.. time to adjust adjust! if not ill be looking like a piece of crap and feeling it too :/ lethargic lethargic is what i feel... ughhhhhh